Will a child have to choose which parent to be sealed to?
Question
Gramps,
So I’ve been busy reading up on your faith as a result of being in a relationship with a LDS church member. She was in a civil marrage to a man eho converted to the LDS faith and had a child but they were never sealed together by the church. My question is as follows. She is worried that her child will not be able to be sealed to her and her ex husband and would have to chose between both parents if ether decided to be remarried. Is this so?
Eric
Answer
Dear Eric,
Thank you for your interest in our faith! Mormons do believe in sealings and families “being together forever.”  However, our theology doesn’t contain a lot of specific information about what, precisely, that means; which naturally gives rise to questions in situations like the one you describe.
I am inclined to believe that it is an over-simplification to suggest that Mormon sealings merely ensure that families will “be together forever”–thereby, supposedly guaranteeing eternal and perpetual physical proximity. If I’m going to “be with” my parents, who in turn will “be with” their own parents, who in turn will “be with” their own parents, and we’re all in the same “household”–that becomes a pretty crowded, awfully quickly!
I have written about the nature of the temple sealing in other answers–see, for example, this one and this one. However, to be succinct: our doctrine says that there must be “a welding link of some kind or other between the fathers and the children, upon some subject or other” (Doctrine and Covenants 128:18) that links each person all the way back to Adam. We believe that the resulting network of links created by Mormon temple sealings has the effect of reuniting fallen mankind into one grand family unit, clarifying the nature of our obligations to each other (especially to those who, whether because of birth or adoption, are sealed to us as our parents or children), and solidifying the “royal lineages” through which each person ultimately claims all of the blessings Jesus Christ has made available to those who follow Him.
From this perspective, my having been sealed to “parents” at all is far more theologically significant than the biological, or even the emotional, relationship between myself and the “parents” to whom I have been sealed. Naturally one would prefer to be sealed to one’s own natural parents; and we don’t claim to know exactly who will be sealed to whom in situations like the one you describe. But we do tend to presume that we won’t really mind whatever result prevails, given the perfect love and absence of insecurities and jealousies that will prevail in heaven.
Gramps
I had a hard time with this, too, coming from divorced parents -my mother a member of the church, my father not. My mission president explained it to me using this analogy: we’re basically all going to be empty nesters in heaven-sealed to our spouses, our children sealed to theirs, etc etc. So as long as I’m sealed to somebody and all our empty nester houses are in the same cul de sac, or even neighborhood, technicalities won’t really matter if we all qualify to be there. I can see all of them when I want and vice versa as they make the choices necessary to get there. 🙂 That helped me, and I don’t feel like I chose one parent over the other because after that I looked at it from the same general perspective as Gramps described, thanks to a caring man who took the time to answer a question that troubled my heart.
Jen: I’d like to offer that if what your mission president said was true, then it would serve no purpose to get sealed to our children in temples and the scriptures in Malachi about such work would me irrelevant. To the contrary, it is absolutely critical. The eternal link described by prophets require forward and backward sealings to our parents/children, and as such, “lateral” sealings to spouses (producing the empty nest situation you describe) would violate the earth’s purpose, the Gospel, and the entire eternal plan of happiness. I submit to all readers that there is no such thing as a “crowded house” in the mansions that were built for us. Though there are questiosn that have not been answered yet, the basic questions have been. I submit that our sealed children will remain as such, and that our own kingdoms will be linked to our Father in heaven’s, and so forth – as designed and prophetically revealed.
In every ordinance there is a choice of acceptance or rejection, and the Lord will work out the individual details. Having come from a divorced family, “how is this going to work” is a major concern I have… There’s no public revelation about it but I trust that it’ll work out.