How can I help a child with a pornography problem?
Question
Dear Gramps,
I have a son (in his early 20’s) who has a problem with pornography. I was wondering if you had some advice on what kind of help we could get him and how to go about having him accept the help. As far as I know he only has the problem when it comes to the internet but if it is not available there then he might go elsewhere to find it. Thank you for your time.
Rhonda
Answer
Dear Rhonda,
Your son is now an adult and is making his own decisions. Unfortunately, most young adults have a very difficult time accepting advice from their parents. Perhaps there are a couple of things that could be done. One, your son must understand that you love him and have his best interests at heart. He also needs to know that in your home your rules apply. Pornography is such a vicious evil that the habit of indulging is extremely difficult to break. However, you could let him know that in your home such filth will not be tolerated. It would be better to terminate internet service than to have the temptation at hand. That may represent a sacrifice on the part of other family members, but your son would understand your seriousness in not permitting such evil in your home. Beyond that, he will have to want to change before much good can be accomplished. That is where the establishment of your love for him comes in. If he does express a desire to get over this filthy habit, then you may find ways to give him assistance and encouragement.
Gramps
I work for a non-profit that is working on a solution to
Internet porngography and would like to ad a few comments.
1). Internet pornography can be dangerous, destructive and
even deadly. Current medical/social research is proving that
pornography is quite possibly one of the most addictive
substances on earth. It can further cause developmental
problems in children that will plague them their who lives.
View porngraphy is nothing less than playing Russian
roulette with your life. Maybe it won’t affect you. Maybe
you will end up in jail on child pornography charges.
And even if you are not affected by it, your children,
spouse or neighbors could be. No one is safe while it
exists in its current unregulated state.
2. There are no solutions to Internet porngoraphy. Filters
do not work! They are easily disabled or worked around. The
current laws are weak or unenforceable.
Truly, one of the only solutions there is, is to completely
disconnect from the Internet. And then that will only
stop Internet porn from entering your household.
There are plenty of places where people can view Internet
porn outside of the home.
3. CP80 can solve the Intenet pornography problem, but
it needs your help.
CP80 is a simple technology and legislative solution that
will clean up the Internet. Go to http://www.cp80.org.
Get educated and get involved.
If nothing is done about Internet pornography, we all lose.
Many stakes offer pornography addiction recovery programs, often offered at non-Church locations to avoid embarrassment of the individual involved. Contact your Bishop to find out what is available in your area.
Unfortunately there isn’t really a way to help someone with a pornography problem unless they want to be helped. If your son isn’t sincerely looking to conquer his addiction, he never will.
I have a Priest Quorom teacher who once told me that living righteously is a matter of faith. Your son must eventually possess the faith that putting the effort into conquering this habit is of more worth to him than the continuation of his addiction. Basically, he has to find the faith that this really is the true gospel, that there really is a right way to live his life, that there really is something that he should be working toward, and that there really is a loving Heavenly Father.
Think about it, if we all truly had this faith, we would not have any problem with sin. Sin would not be attractive to us because our faith would help us to realize that there are things that have so much more worth than what any temporary pleasure can offer.
I recommmend the Book, “Every Man’s Battle”. I also agree, that the only sure way to stop pornography from getting in to your household, is to stop your internet subscription. An addict to porn will find a way around filters and other types of software. A recovering alcoholic shouldn’t hang around bars. Also, a reconvering porn addict shouldn’t have access to the internet. Period.
God Bless
John