Am I a failure as a missionary?
Question
Dear Gramps,
I am serving a full time mission in England and have been working hard out here. Sadly I haven’t had a baptism out here and I am starting to feel like I am a failure.. Other missionaries are seeing things happen and I have friends in other missions getting baptisms every week. I know it is not all about the numbers but am I a failure if I dont baptize anyone on my mission? And what do I tell people who ask me ”Oh! How many people did you baptize?!”
Elder
Answer
Elder,
Your desire to bring people to the Lord through baptism is commendable and good. Therefore your frustration at what you see as your ‘failure’ to do so is understandable. But let’s take a moment to examine some other missionaries who might have considered themselves to be failures.
Let’s start with one I have mentioned before, Abinadi. The Book of Mormon only records one convert for Abinadi, and Abinadi never knew it. Yet we don’t consider Abinadi to be a failure. Then there is Noah. According to the Old Testament, Noah failed to convert anyone besides his own family, but we don’t think of him as a failure either.
Then there are many stories of missionaries who suffered a lot, which suffering could have easily given them the same kind of doubts that you are having before they had success. They had to push through their doubts and endure the suffering before the Lord blessed them.
The Lord may have called you to serve more like those brave and honorable men than the brave and honorable men who brought hundreds to the Church through baptism. If so then embrace it, and all will be well with you.
If you serve your mission to the best of your ability and faithfulness then the Lord will work miracles through you. You might not ever see or know what the Lord did with your efforts in this lifetime, but you can trust that he will. And once you know that the Lord has approved and accepted your efforts then you can answer questions about numbers however you like, because you will know you did well.
Gramps
Great answer Gramps. I would add that Preach My Gospel clearly defines success in chapter 1 as being measured by a missionary’s Desire, and not the outcomes of others choices. As somebody who served in a low baptizing mission I can understand and relate to the feelings of the Elder asking the question. The Elder clearly has the right desires and that is how he can come to look at whether or not he is successful.
We have no idea how many people we touch in this life and help them receive the Gospel directly or indirectly!
I first met with the missionaries when I was 16. I went through all the lessons but just never could commit to the Gospel or baptism. One of them came back just before his mission ended to see how I was doing. He must have been disappointed to see me unmarried with a baby at that point! But their teachings stayed with me and years later I was finally ready to commit myself. I was baptized, as were the children I had at the time. Now, I am sealed in the temple to a wonderful man and all four of my current children are members of the Church. Those missionaries never knew the impact they had, not only on my life but eventually on at least 5 others!
I served a full time mission 12 years ago and I too did not see a lot of baptisms. Other missionaries were baptizing a lot so it did get frustrating at times. However I look back and remember all the other great spiritual experiences I had and rejoice in those. I also remember the words of Jeffrey R. Holland when he said the greatest convert you can gain on your mission is yourself…..how true that it is!
Two comments come to mind:
First:
Matthew 28:19 begins “Go ye, therefore, and teach all nations …” It does not
say “persuade all nations” or “convert all nations.” Your students have their
free agency. When you have taught them, you have done a good work – whether or
not they accept what you have taught is a separate issue.
Second:
Some years ago I read an account of a man who returned from his mission deeply
discouraged. “I worked as hard as I could, and all I baptized was one
dirty-faced little Irish kid!” he told one and all.
One day, later in his life, a man came to him. “I understand you feel your
mission was a failure because you only baptized one dirty-faced little Irish
kid. I was that little Irish kid. My name is Elder Charles A. Callis, of the
Quorum of the Twelve.”