Why do we have to wait until we are 16 to date?
Question
Gramps,
So I know we aren’t supposed to date until we are 16. But why?
Julie
Answer
Dear Julie,
I have often talked to non-members who are dubious, if not out-right skeptical, about young people in the church being able to remain virtuous prior to marriage. Â Many of them don’t think it is possible. Â However, we know that it is. Â Admittedly, it can be difficult. Â Heavenly Father created us with a powerful drive to procreate, and in order to keep that desire within the bounds the Lord has set, we have certain guidelines that have proven helpful.
Not dating until 16 years of age is one of those guidelines. Of course, everyone is different, but generally speaking 16 is an age where young people are not only interested in the opposite sex, but also mature enough to exercise self-discipline. Â Sixteen is only a few short years away from marriageable age. Â In addition to waiting until 16 to date, young people are also encouraged to stick with group dating until young men have returned from their missions, and young women are old enough to be married (and possibly the young woman will have served a mission as well). Â When one is considering potential mates, that is the right time to date alone.
I have known young people who disregarded this guidance and started exclusive dating at 14 (as many non-members do these days). Â Almost without fail those young people later end up in “shotgun marriages”. In other words, they get married, because the girl is pregnant. Â Delaying the sexual desires for so many years proved to be too much for them.
The power to procreate is a beautiful gift given to us from a loving Heavenly Father, but, like fire, can warm you or burn down your house. This power to procreate can be a blessing in your life, or something that brings you great sorrow and guilt. Â Treat it as the precious gift that it is. Â That starts with following the guidelines we have been given, one of them being waiting until 16 to date.
Happy Dating!
Gramps
Julie,
I might ask you: Why would you want to date before 16? A cute boy, perhaps? While it’s possible people will marry their high school sweetheart, it’s definitely not the norm. Most people break up and move on, so why not wait for another, better group of men with positive, long-term goals? Honestly, you would be better off just going on group dates or hanging out in groups with people your parents are comfortable with and who respect them in return, so you can get some experience interacting with those of the opposite gender.
Once you get to college, you will find there are many, many more men who have serious goals of being a father, a husband, as well as a provider. I believe your best choices lie there or maybe in your young single adult ward as long as these boys have learned to do as Paul says:
1 Corinthians 13:11
“When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”
The counsel to not date until age 16 is really in response to changing social norms. It used to be that there was no “dating” per se. Just courting. Marriage was the sole aim. In our great-great-grandparent’s era, a man about age 19 or 20 would offer to walk a young woman home from church. This would continue for a few months. Eventually, if he were persistent, the man would be invited over by the young woman’s parents (if they approved of him) to visit in the family parlor for the afternoon—-with the parents present. This continued for a year or so. Finally, the man would get the young woman’s father aside alone, and ask for his permission to marry his daughter. There really wasn’t much of a chance for premature sexual encounters under that system. The whole courting process, along with modesty and virtue, kept such things pretty much in check. It wasn’t until the 20th century with its liberal social conventions that the “no dating until age 16” thing was put in place by the Church, as a stop gap measure to replace the old system that had worked so well for centuries.